Something stirred within me this morning, prompting me to find this piece that I’d posted on a discussion board in 2004.  I hope you enjoy my retro-writing.

Subtitle: Good providers do not make good relationships…

A heartfelt Thank You for walking into my life – in all of your forms and guises. Stretching boundaries, learning, exploring, loving, healing… You allow me to be me as I am, as I want to be. You honor me in allowing me to witness and experience you, with your dreams and desires, your pains and your fears.  Stripped. Of all worldly associations, Naked.   Those eyes are windows and I can only look away when I can no longer keep my own eyes open, when I become lost in ME… The little girl sees those invisible wounds, kisses those scars. The teen giggles in moments of self-conscious uncertainty. The woman feeds of your heat and your pleasure. The Goddess worships your God-essence.

Love which goes beyond looks and age and consequence, gender, beyond you and me, Universal, Unteathered… It is love which nourishes and which sets me free, And I will forever thank you for allowing me this space, this life, this opportunity, these experiences.  I am affected deeply each time we meet. Your questions teach me. Your healing heals me. Your light illuminates tangled pathways on my own journey. Your strength empowers and awes me. I hum with the vibration of Oneness. It’s a game I enjoy playing, it’s a hobby which has become my livlihood, it’s a gift I pray to keep giving.

Emotions are are but flavors of light, energies, signs, stories… They have always been and will always be in this manifestation of life that is lived. We can hold them… or… let them run through us like water, food, the air we breathe.  I must first receive the love which I give. Let it flow. Overflowing. I may love you, though overall I love THROUGH you. Create your own well. Gratitude to a Source is healthy and beautiful, dependence is not. Don’t take it personal, it’s not about you. It’s all about the me within you and the you within me.

Maybe it is personal.  Sometimes. But what does that mean? What will that mean tomorrow, at noon? When flesh is but ash? The whys and the wheres and the whats and the hows… I don’t have your answers, and I hope to always be still searching for mine.

I’ve said before and will say many times again – women who have this much love do not make good partners. Feel free to ask any number of my many x’s. You can’t cage a phoenix, and I’d be killing the gold-laying magical goose. Our lives are the greatest of fairy tales ever, or never, told. Enjoy it as it is, for what it is.