It’s been an interesting month, past.  I’ve had many opportunities to relearn my own lessons around letting go of ego, letting emotions flow through without attachment, centering in the present moment, being compassionate… it seems that many learning processes that I’ve experienced have been coming up for review.  I find myself thinking, “This again?  I thought I’d worked through this one!” and I notice a rise of frustration and disappointment in not being the person I would like myself to be.  And then, I have to step back and remind myself it’s a new moment and I can simply choose to be that person.  I remind myself of the natural spiral rhythm of life – “Yes, this again!  This again is the same, though deeper, if I only let it be so.”

Just yesterday a new yoga instructor pointed out that the front of my heart chakra was wide open and active, the back was constricted.  I was using that area as the source of all my movement, and it was causing me pain.  In fact, this point is a chronic source of pain for me.  She said, “The front is where you let others in, the back is where you let your own self in.”  Pain, it is vital information from our body.  Can I listen?

Challenge and opportunity are one and the same.  It’s time to renew the vows to my own self.  I invite you to note your seeming painful opportunities to do so as well.

Back on the east coast I met a man who offered me the vision that the smell of a burning olive oil lamp would return something to me.  I’ve yet to follow up to create the lamp and seek the gift offered, there is a bit of nervousness that I would do something wrong, use the wrong materials, find nothing.  The potential is so rich that I hesitate to destroy it by seeking…

As in our meeting that day.  Rich potential not tapped to it’s depths.  Opportunity lost?  Or shall it come around again?

If you haven’t already noticed, I’ve added a new page to this website: Inspire.  This page pays homage to the creative energy of my friends.  It is an honor and a joy to be the subject of these works of art and poetry and I hope you will enjoy them as I do!  To make space for this page I moved my calendar to the contact page instead of keeping it as it’s own page.  Please let me know if this is confusing or an inconvenience in any way.

With Love,

Sola

Inspire

Now and then I find myself falling into my own patterns of being – walking around thinking that I know exactly who and what I am, moving through the priorities I’ve set for my days, the skeleton of my five year plan hanging in front of me like a carrot on a stick.  All vital aspects in life… and extremely limiting when not given space and air to breathe.  For the first time in much too long I took a vacation that had nothing to do with work, conferences or classes.  I set aside a block of time that was for nothing other than my own enjoyment, and it was fabulous!

If you have never experienced the chaos of Burning Man, it is impossible to describe.  A festival created by the attendees themselves.  A community of radical self expressionists and active participants.  A city built on whim and fancy and then quickly disassembled – leaving no trace of the competing sound systems or the magnificent art, structures, and gaily adorned revelers recently swirling through the dust of the brutally hot and cold Desert Mistress of nowhere-but-here-Nevada.  The surreal other-reality has always helped me to rearrange my idea of what is and make way for “what may be.”  The temple fire was particularly powerful and turbulent and I found myself riding the currents of smoke across the sky, looking through glasses made of the ghostly layer of skittering dust between myself and anything solid, holding my directional trajectory moving through a white out dust storm, falling into the depth of the clear night sky…  I personally took less than a dozen photos this year and do not plan to ad any to my vacation gallery.  For great photos, stories, and more information please visit the official website, and/or Google-images to your hearts content.

One of many fabulous art cars

Staying warm in a garden of fire

Http://www.BurningMan.com

I took a couple extra days away to revel in the natural world created before man.  Time with special friends, long soaks in the tubs, plenty of naps, and amazing vegetarian meals at Breitenbush soothed away any rough edges and refreshed my spirit.

This was my birthday present to myself.  Next week I will turn 37 years old.

May what is ahead be as phenomenal as what has been before!

It seemed to take forever to arrive this year, and now we’re near the end – bright beautiful days, clear nights, simple summer dresses and tank tops, a thin film of salty sweat drying in the breeze… make sure to enjoy it while you still can!

I’ve been busy with a few travels, my somatic psychotherapy studies, working towards my Clinical Sexology certificate, deepening my shamanic experiences, coordinating minor repairs and yard work at the Sanctuaries, and taking extra walks through the arboretum with my doggie friend.  How is it that life can be so busy when there is always much more that I’d like to do?  I’m reassured that there is no time for boredom!

July found me down in Vegas for the Desiree Alliance and September finds me heading off to Burning Man for the first time in five years.  My apologies that my travels are making it difficult to keep up with the blog, know I’m loving life and would love to see you when I am around! Please make sure to check my web calendar for more information and dates to be aware of, I updated it through the end of the year.
With Love and Bright Blessings!

I’ve been enthralled by the sky lately.  It started several nights ago when I was out walking the dog and saw an amazing shade of indigo blue disappearing into the dark night.  Looking back over my other shoulder I saw gradation of light that disappearing behind the buildings in a vibrant teal line.  I pulled my phone from my pocket and called two friends, urging them to come outside to see.

Every day the sky appears different than just the day before.  Heading down Denny/Olive towards the waterfront on Saturday Mt. Rainier was out in full splendor, the Space Needle anchored the city at the base of my view.  Tall mountain surrounded by fluffy cumulus clouds and a brilliant robin egg blue sky… a postcard image made presently real by the criss cross of telephone and power lines between here and there.

How long had it been since I found my eyes to taking snapshots of the sky?  Too long, much too long.

As often happens when I procrastinate other to-dos I found myself on Google looking, this time for poetry about the sky.  My random searching brought me to a site I thought you might enjoy as well -

The Cloud Appreciation Society

I’m always in awe of how time can move so slow and so fast, at the same time.  My calendar blocks fit neatly on the screen, yet with all my general to-do’s and even allocating specific time for eating and showering and sleep and working out there is always at least one which gets deleted or moved out to the next day.  Often they are the project oriented blocks, such as writing or studying or updating websites.  Before you know it there are blocks overlapping blocks competing for my attention.  It takes a good friend at my side to remind me of how much I actually do get done to keep the feeling that I lack accomplishment away.  My life is simple, I make the busy-ness.  I can barely imagine the added push and pull of having children, and equally, can only imagine the ways in which children would shape the motivation of each day.

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Often I share space with my friends ailments and stress and anxiety and pains and fears… sometimes simple large things such as finances and careers, often more intricate matters of emotion, the hearts longing and life and health, the “why we are here’s.”  Last night a friend was talking of how our culture has no preparation, no honor, no ritual around death and dying.  Of how little control most of us have over our last days and of the extreme in those who take full control of their end.  Of the fact that sometimes as witnesses there is nothing that we can do, and how very hard that can feel.  I awoke thinking that our death is a milestone in our lives equal in relevance only to our birth.  I’m moved to do more study around ceremonial grief and hospice psychology.  Please let me know if you have any good sources, guides, teachers, book recommendations or other reference materials that may be useful.  Thank you.

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Back on the east coast I met a man who offered me the vision that the smell of a burning olive oil lamp would return something to me.  I’ve yet to follow up to create the lamp and seek the gift offered, there is a bit of nervousness that I would do something wrong, use the wrong materials, find nothing.  The potential is so rich that I hesitate to destroy it by seeking… As in our meeting that day.  Rich potential not tapped to it’s depths.  Opportunity lost?  Or shall it come around again?

Something stirred within me this morning, prompting me to find this piece that I’d posted on a discussion board in 2004.  I hope you enjoy my retro-writing.

Subtitle: Good providers do not make good relationships…

A heartfelt Thank You for walking into my life – in all of your forms and guises. Stretching boundaries, learning, exploring, loving, healing… You allow me to be me as I am, as I want to be. You honor me in allowing me to witness and experience you, with your dreams and desires, your pains and your fears.  Stripped. Of all worldly associations, Naked.   Those eyes are windows and I can only look away when I can no longer keep my own eyes open, when I become lost in ME… The little girl sees those invisible wounds, kisses those scars. The teen giggles in moments of self-conscious uncertainty. The woman feeds of your heat and your pleasure. The Goddess worships your God-essence.

Love which goes beyond looks and age and consequence, gender, beyond you and me, Universal, Unteathered… It is love which nourishes and which sets me free, And I will forever thank you for allowing me this space, this life, this opportunity, these experiences.  I am affected deeply each time we meet. Your questions teach me. Your healing heals me. Your light illuminates tangled pathways on my own journey. Your strength empowers and awes me. I hum with the vibration of Oneness. It’s a game I enjoy playing, it’s a hobby which has become my livlihood, it’s a gift I pray to keep giving.

Emotions are are but flavors of light, energies, signs, stories… They have always been and will always be in this manifestation of life that is lived. We can hold them… or… let them run through us like water, food, the air we breathe.  I must first receive the love which I give. Let it flow. Overflowing. I may love you, though overall I love THROUGH you. Create your own well. Gratitude to a Source is healthy and beautiful, dependence is not. Don’t take it personal, it’s not about you. It’s all about the me within you and the you within me.

Maybe it is personal.  Sometimes. But what does that mean? What will that mean tomorrow, at noon? When flesh is but ash? The whys and the wheres and the whats and the hows… I don’t have your answers, and I hope to always be still searching for mine.

I’ve said before and will say many times again – women who have this much love do not make good partners. Feel free to ask any number of my many x’s. You can’t cage a phoenix, and I’d be killing the gold-laying magical goose. Our lives are the greatest of fairy tales ever, or never, told. Enjoy it as it is, for what it is.

*More photos are now available in my Vacation Gallery*

Friday/Saturday The 20 hours flight provided uninterrupted time to catch up on some of my somatic studies reading – Internal Family Systems Therapy by Richard Schwartz and Focusing by Eugene Gendlin. I arrived at my hotel in Bangkok at 1AM and immediately put the large soaking tub and aromatic foaming bubble bath to good use while enjoying the expansive city view from the full length window from my 58th floor room. I ate breakfast looking at a glass wall facing the beautiful courtyard of greenery, large manmade waterfall and flowers. Fresh tropical fruit juices, an assortment of breads and pastrys, omelet service, meats, salad bar, cheeses, cereal and yogurt bar, and many items that I can only imagine eating later in the day – curries, phad thai, sushi, etc. After that I spoiled myself with an aromatic spa massage. What a great way to head off jet lag! From there I took a taxi to the Grand Palace to look at the amazing architecture and learn a bit of Thai history. After walking for hours I wandered a short ways over to Wat Po for a Thai foot massage… heaven!

Sunday I took a taxi to Chatujak Market. Wandering aimlessly I was soon lost in a combination of indoor and outdoor stalls… Buddha statues and charms, ivory and gems both raw and crafted, silks, clothing, flowers, furniture, tropical fruit and icee stands, roasted meats, deep fried unidentifiable things … I walked the maze for three hours allowing myself to be dizzied and disoriented by the sights and sounds. Finally I stumbled out and found the street again. Hailing a cab I handed the driver the hotel card with map in Thai and settled back. After nearly an hour of driving he pulled into a hospital. I showed him the card again and he smiled and nodded then pulled back into traffic, every minute or so studying the card intently. Apparently he did not read Thai nor speak English, and my ability to only mime information back was woefully inadequate. I finally reached over and hit the STOP button on his meter. He said nothing and drove for about twenty more minutes then indicated that I should get out in the middle of the street. Ok. Four cabs in a row stopped, looked at my card, shook their heads and drove off. Now I was getting worried! Fortunately the fifth cabbie agreed to drive me back to the hotel where I retrieved my bags then headed to the airport.

Week One Chiang Mai vs. Bangkok feels as different as NYC and Seattle. Only Asian. Chiang Mai is still a significant sized city, though not overwhelming in size. Being 90+% Buddhist population, nearly every building has a garden, ponds or fountain, and spirit houses. Even the street food vendors spilling into the road everywhere have altars adorned with marigolds, jasmine, incense and fresh fruit offerings. People are quick to smile and to call out “Swadeeka” (phonetic.) There is one word that means hello, good morning, good afternoon, good evening, good bye. I’m amused by the tradition blended with shops full of short sparkley night club wear and the relentless roar of motorbikes. The first week of massage class was a bit overwhelming. I’m used to being VERY good at working with bodies (I don’t mind tooting my own horn) but the Thai massage feels foreign and I’m completely inept. I made the mistake of doubling up my courses and taking the evening foot reflexology elective, so by the time I’m done with school, it’s time to eat and move onto my studies from back home, then to sleep… It’s difficult to understand the teachers and students with accents from all around the globe. I’ve had several near accidents just trying to cross the street, an upset stomach and I’ve been itching from the heat. Simply finding food is an adventure. Yet, by the end of the second day I’m starting to feel at home, falling into the rhythm of a new place, enjoying the variety of flavors to be found, adjusting to the heat, I figured out the money and how to do my laundry, and found the perfect vantage point for sunset watching.

Other notables – I had an interesting conversation with a Japanese student about sexuality, relationships, masturbation, the spectrum of sexual preferences, cultural differences, etc. Enjoyed a spa herbal steam room and a massage from one of the instructors. Spoke with a student from Switzerland about her life growing up and the late blooming sexual curiosity and escapades, spoke with another class mate from Israel about gender roles (nature or nurture), the difficulties he was having with his girlfriend back home after admitting to visiting a Thai prostitute. Saw an elephant being used to beg in the streets. If I have time you will hear more about the elephants and atrocities …

Weekend One Stress and exhaustion caught up with me on Friday during our practical testing. My partner was much taller and all muscle so it was simply too much to work through the sequences, the instructor kept trying to help without understanding that I have physical limitations which prevent me from being able to do the thai chi movement with any balance. At one point I had to actually walk away from my “client” and the instructor for a bit of breathing and cool water in the breakroom… then returned and somehow still managed a 92% on my marks. I’ve heard that shows of temper or negative emotion are seen as the signs of a lesser evolved human here. Well, I’m ok with that lol! After that the reflexology testing was relaxing and fun, 98%. Off for a few tropical alcoholic drinks with classmates, and managed to catch an impromptu jam session with one of the students from back in the USA.

Elephant Nature Park I spent the rest of the weekend an hour outside the city at a very special place born from the dreams of Sangduen Chailert, “Lek.” Please take a moment to visit http://www.elephantnaturepark.org for information on this magical place and the tremendous work that they are doing. I hope to expand on this post in the future.

Week Two Last week raced right by and I know this week will race by as quickly as last. I’m sad that I cannot justify more time here. Another three weeks and maybe I’d see half of the things on my list… Perhaps I’ll come back some time for the 11-week certified advanced practitioner training program which would qualify me to teach Levels I and II back in the states… Or maybe I’d rather simply wander the country side and take excursions to Myanmar, Laos, Cambodia and India…

With Love,

hopes to post again soon,

and the anticipation of seeing you again,

Sola

I’m off tomorrow morning for Thailand! There will be internet access where I am though I do not plan to check it every day. If you are providing my name as a reference please give several days lead time. If you are contacting me for a reference please be patient, I will reply as soon as I see your message!

If I’m a good vacationer you will not see me around here much until I return – though I hope to do some updates on my website and blog, so please do check in!

I will be back in Portland 3/1 – 3/3, then properly home and available in Seattle 3/4+.

With Love,
Sola

Time to dust again.

Time to caress my house,

to stroke all its surfaces.

I want to think of it as a kind of lovemaking,

…the chance to appreciate by touch

what I live with and cherish.

The rags come out – old soft pajama legs, torn undershirts, frayed towels. They are still of use. It is precisely because they have exhausted their original use that they have come to this honorable task.

Rag in hand, I feel along each piece of furniture I live with, and luster returns to the old sideboard, to the chair legs and the lamp stands. It is as if by touch they are revealed and returned to themselves. Strange that in the dumbness of inanimate things one can feel so much silent response. What then of us animate creates?

We are so many-surfaced: bumpy, smooth, prickly, rough, silky, hairy, spiny, soft, scaly, furry, feathery, sharp, and on and on. And don’t we all want to be stroked in some way …to be restored to ourselves by touch as much as by sight or smell or sound?

I want to be a lover of surfaces all day today. Let this be the prayer: that my hands not be ashamed to give and to receive a passionate exchange …to luster and be lustered… and so come to feel (Spirit’s) inward touch.

Gunilla Norris